August 22, 2012

My first challenge ever

(First published online on May 15, 2008)

I am a graduate of not so famous but fine public schools since Elementary and High School so as I entered Adamson University, I didn’t know what to expect. What kind of people study here and can I cope up with them? But as I become a Mass Communication Student, my first ever challenge was to answer everyone’s damning question and that was if I’ve ever had any girlfriends before? Now, to set the record straight, here is my answer.

As of this very moment, while you are reading this blog, there had only been three girls who captured my eyes, my heart, and my mind. All the others were just the simple representation of me being a man. I had crushes and short commitments before but nobody can ever replace these three.

Now, the first girl was my first love and I believe in the saying that first love never dies. But to tell the truth, I feel no more love for her but I admit that she will never die in my memory and that she shall never be forgotten. She never became my girlfriend because of my immaturity when it comes to courting someone. And although we feel awkward on each other now, she will always be one of my special friends and I will continue to treasure whatever memories that we've shared before.

The second girl was among the girls whom I've always respected. She was I believe, an epitome of beauty and brains, though she only had a characteristic that was not allowed in the Bb. Pilipinas hehehe... I had known her well when we were asked to go to a specific place that I will never forget. Nevertheless, she was almost perfect for me though I had never again courted her due to some personal reasons. She is simple yet courageous enough to fight for what she believed was right. Others who don't know her fully thought that she was not a good friend for she likes to play jokes on anybody. But for me, she was the contrary. She was funny to be with and I admit that though there were times that she was moody, I am always happy every time I see her. I never courted her for not because of that I am selfish but because I had to choose for my possible life time career. As my promise, she will continue to be one of my special friends till forever. By the way, she still doesn't know that I love her, more than just a friend.

And the third girl is I think my reason and inspiration why I still can move on my life. She is also my friend and I believe that she is the right lady that can complete whatever emptiness that I feel inside. She is simple yet intelligent. The great factor for me is that in her simplicity, I can fully appreciate her beauty. She was indeed a wonderful gift from God and I can't understand why there were people who continue to hurt her. No more explanations can describe how much I love her and like before, I just noticed my feelings for her lately when it came out on me.

I considered the first two girls as my past already and I had to move forward. There were moments that I feel jealous especially when there were suitors around them for I just can't help it but life goes on and I have to think of what's ahead. The last girl is my present and can be my future. But my problem is that I can't tell her my feelings for I am afraid of what can happen. As of the moment, I love her silently while she was staying heartbroken.

All of them have a similarity. All of them are my friends and my feelings just sprouted along the way. I never made friends with them because I love them. I've love them only when I started to know them more after I made friends with them. That is different and that is also the reason why I am afraid to express my emotions. She might think that I somewhat betrayed her trust on me when I tell her that I love her. She might think that all this time, she is just treating me as a friend while I am feeling something far beyond friendship. The greatest question here that I've been pointing out was: is it really wrong to love your friend just because you know and consider both selves as friends?

My professor once told me that all love must first start with friendship for a better foundation but is my situation qualified for that? How do you think would I handle this situation with a win-win solution?

Is it wrong if I tell her that I love her now that we are already friends or should I say, is it wrong if I have fallen for a friend? And if she does find out and starts to feel awkward on me, is it me or she who will be blamed for what might happen?

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