2013: Heluvayir

December 31, 2013  6:23am

I have almost an hour to finish this article before the laptop battery goes out. I also struggle from sleep deprivation in the past few weeks but they say that I work better if I don’t have any sleep. Perhaps I will have that kind of ambience in the next twelve months but before I get to that, let me first tell you a brief rundown of the past 364 days of my life.

I can’t sleep because I’m thinking about a lot of things, a lot of people and a lot of actions that I did in the past. But those things, people and actions won’t occupy the entire space of this blog post since doing such would tantamount to tiring my readers and thus killing myself.

Of coins and devices

I am a man of sentiments. I value memory more than money and I usually don't care about how much I spend as long as what I’m spending is for the benefit of satisfying my most cared bank of memories. One evening of April while I was on my way home, I suddenly realized that I lost my coin purse. It was given to me by my officemate more than a year ago and it had been my lonely companion everytime I travel locally or abroad. That coin purse became home not only of my coins and 20-50 peso bills, but also of my folded paper notes and even unused condom. I have my wallet but most of the time, especially when I was outside buying snacks or anything, my coin purse always came in handy. Now that it's gone, I feel like I lost some part of me and I am deeply sad due to the fact that one of my most memorable and handy chronicler of simple yet valuable artifacts is now no longer in my hands. Actually, coin purse isn't the only thing that I'm mourning. More than the purse and the coins amounting to around 50 pesos during that time when it was lost, I'm more concerned on the three priceless coins with two of them I have been saving for more than five years. Those priceless coins made my decisions in most complex issues. Now, I felt a little directionless. Perhaps it will take time before I could move on. Hopefully, I can move on.

P.S. I also lost my Nokia C2 phone. It wasn’t forcibly taken from me, at least, but still it was also significant. Good thing I already managed to back up some of the files, particularly images, stored in the device.

Dog Days are Over

After some months of roaming the vast world of Internet, I finally managed to discover that one particular site that I have long been searching. What good did it do? I found the answers to some of my questions. I had my late realizations and at least, now I can move on. It's painful to realize that as time goes by, you'll find yourself no longer in sync with those whom you once cared for. It's even painful to realize that you have cared for the wrong people. Everything that somehow made sense to my irrational world becomes superficial again. I won't apologize. No one has to apologize. But I'm afraid it's about time for me to break out from the circle of new life that we created in order to understand one another. This blog post is for myself because those people who should be reading this message perhaps won't care. Perhaps this message won't even matter to their mundane worlds. However, I'm still thankful and will eternally be grateful for all those years of precious memories.

My MB Escapade

It has been almost three years and it’s only fitting that I write this long blog post and divide it into three parts, just like those series of special reports that I have dealt with in the last couple of months. After all those painstaking moments that I have encountered, at least this is the best way to encapsulate most if not all of the lessons that I have learned in my life as an employee of the Manila Bulletin, the Philippines’ leading national newspaper.

A Tribute to His Holiness

I was about to sleep in our residence in Bacoor, Cavite when GMA Channel 7 news program Saksi extended their show to broadcast a very important breaking news. Live from the Vatican City, news anchor Vicky Morales excitedly reported that after four ballots during the very rare papal conclave in 2005, a new leader of the one billion Catholic people was finally elected. Habemus Papam!

With all humility. Photo from Getty Images.

Para sa Makabagong Bayan

May paniniwala ako subalit hindi ako deboto na sagradong Katoliko. Hindi rin ako ‘yung tipong kumakausap sa mga tao na tangan ang bibliya at tila ba nagsesermon na pastor. Subalit sa araw-araw na nagigising ako mula sa mahimbing kong pagkakatulog eh alam ko kung paano ihiwalay ang tama sa mali sa perspektibong naaayon sa makabagong panahon.

Sa isang balita ngayon eh sobra kong naalala ang mga eksena sa sinakulo. Habang ang lahat ng mga tao ay nakamasid sa entablado eh isang tanong ang ipinaabot ni Ponsyo Pilato. “Ano ang nais niyong gawin ko?” Ang mga tao naman ay buong lakas na nagwikang, “Pakawalan si Barabas at ipako sa Krus si Kristo.”

Nag-trend pa sa Twitter ang hashtag na #FreeCarlosCeldran, and tanong ko sa mga tao eh “teka, bakit ganun?”

Viet Nam Fiasco

One thing good probably about me is that I can write. I just wish that this would also go viral, just like the  other infamous video clips.

Subject of this article is: I don’t know which one will I shoot? I don’t know if the problem is with the Cebu Pacific airlines or the Viet Nam International Airport.

Here’s my story:

I arrived at the gloomy Tan Son Nhat International Airport in Vietnam around 8:00pm or about four hours before my 1:00am flight back to Manila. Immediately, I looked at the many monitors situated in airport to check the status of my trip, which bore the number 5J752. Unlike the other flight status, the CebuPac flight still didn't have any remarks.

2012 Trips

I can proudly say that 2012 had been a very busy year for me, at least in terms of traveling. From the country’s capital in Manila to some places north, some areas in the south and even some other nations, which are more than a thousand miles from here. What did I find out? Well, at least I realized some things that no books or any other publication can offer. I found another life.

Of Loneliness and Failures

It was like being part of the top finalists of the hottest reality search in town. There were contestants and of course the judges who would screen all the people who would be qualified in the position that they were searching for.

I was called first and with all the best that I thought I could show, I tried my luck and performed in front of the judges.

Imagine how you will prepare if there is something that you really want to have. Weeks before the judgment day, you will even mark your calendar so as you won’t forget the special date. Days before the event, you will make sure that everything that you needed are well taken care of. Hours before the most awaited moment, you will feel very excited thinking to yourself that perhaps, this is your day.

After waiting for a very long time, my name was called and immediately, I found out that I was among those who were evicted from the game.

I experienced a lot of things in life. I’ve had my unexpected victories and share of failures, and I just always tend to move on. However, if it is something that you really want, moving on seems to be one of the hardest parts. Even if you are physically okay, your mind will tell you otherwise and will pull all the negativity in you that you will try to imagine why the world has forsaken you.

What’s more disturbing is when you find out that no people can stand beside you while you suffer one of the most downgraded periods of your life. When your morale is low and you have nobody to boost your confidence, you try to assess who you are with and what they are to you.

I find out that I have no permanent friends, only casual colleagues who will be present at certain times. This may be harsh, but at least, I can move on in 2013 bearing this in mind.

I might have been evicted from the reality show. Perhaps the ball isn’t still in my court.

The Year That Was

Year 2012 defines what I want to do with my entire life. I would forever look back at the year thinking that most of what I will be doing in the future will definitely be rooted from the lessons that I've learned during the previous year.